Setting Boundaries and Rediscovering Yourself with Ashlee Livingstone

Jillian: Hi, Ashley. Thank you so much for joining me today on the podcast. Yes. So to begin with, let's let everybody know who you are and what do you bring to the world. Tell us about you, your business, and your podcast. 

Ashlee: Yeah, that's a loaded question. So much. Yeah. I was like, what I bring to the world. Whoa. We're going deep fast now.

Thank you Jillian, for having me. So my name's Ashley and I really am super passionate about helping people get the life they want right now. So I'm not looking at, you know, the life you thought you wanted when you were a teenager or in your early twenties, or the life that you want at retire. , I'm all about like, how do we get what we want now?

And in doing that in a time capacity way, in a boundary setting way, in a way that feels easy and not overwhelming. So that's really kind of, I guess, Core of what I do my business is called Our Forte, and I'm a personal and team growth coach. And my te my podcast is called Teams With Edge, and I talk a lot about how leaders can help develop their teams, but also at the heart of it, it comes down to how leaders can develop themselves to be stronger leaders for their teams.

Jillian: I really love that. Have you read? Someday Is Not a Day of the Week. I'm actually reading it right now and it's all about Oh, sounds fascinating. Exactly, exactly what you just said. Yeah. Like, why are we waiting for retirement to have the life that we want, you know, like we can create that right now.

Ashlee: Yeah. A lot of people play the. when this, then that game. Yes. . And so it's the same sort of thing. I, and I used to do that too, like for sure it was, well, when I reached this place in my career or when my kid is this old or when this happens, then I can, and when you spend your whole life waiting for the someday or the.

you end up missing out on all of those pieces that are important to you and you don't even then recognize when someday has arrived. 

Jillian: Yes, I was just gonna say that cuz when someday gets there, all of a sudden you're too busy looking at the next someday. Mm-hmm. . 

Ashlee: Yeah, exactly. We're always, there's always something in the future in, in the, like our big goals.

And I find so many people focus on that like final outcome. that they don't really focus on. You know, it sounds cliche, but the journey and the small wins, we have the progress along the way. Mm-hmm. . 

Jillian: Yes. That's why I like to break my big goal into like littler goals so I can actually have something to celebrate along the way to get in there.

Yeah, 

Ashlee: yeah, yeah. We need those hits of celebration because you finish it or you don't even. when you've hit your goal maybe, and you look back, you're like, I've done nothing. But really, you're like, why was I so busy? ? Yes, 

Jillian: yes. Busy is like a badge of honor, you know? And I'm just, I'm tired of being busy , to be honest.

Yeah. 

Ashlee: Yeah. I think that's another big piece that I talk and work a lot with my clients on, because you know, most people, if you ask them how they're. They say busy or tired? ? Yes. Or both at the same time. I'm so tired. I'm so busy. And they don't even know really what they're busy doing. They're just busy being busy, and they don't know necessarily where they can create capacity in their days.

They don't know where they're actually spending their time. make better decisions on where they choose to spend their time next time. Mm-hmm. , is that, does that resonate? ? 

Jillian: Yes. , yes. So busy doing the busy work that's not even really work or getting you anywhere, just to say that you're busy . 

Ashlee: Yeah. Yeah. It's like I sometimes ask people, you know, what would it feel like to not be busy?

What would it feel like to say. , I'm doing amazing. I've got so much free time. Is that a sign of not being successful or like we've attached, we've attached a lot of like wealth or credibility to being busy and I think we need to flip that story a little bit. . Yeah. 

Jillian: My thing with being busy is when I'm not busy I don't know what to do.

Like , I'm so always working on either my business or with my kids doing their activities. Like all of a sudden I'm not busy and I'm like, like I need to rediscover me and like what I like to do. So I feel like some people don't like to not be busy cuz they like, they have no clue who they are and what they like to do.

Ashlee: Yeah. And that's, you've hit the nail on the head. That's exactly. what I find when I start chatting with my clients about what would it be like to have a Saturday afternoon where you have nothing going on? Is that scary to you? Does it seem impossible or does it seem really exciting about being able to discover what might bring you joy?

What might be relaxing to you? What, what being bored might actually feel like? and how freeing that could 

Jillian: be. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. Yeah. But it can be scary. I get it. I do feel that way sometimes, but the more I do it, the easier, you know, once you start discovering those things you love, you know, I haven't taken a bubble bath in forever and I did the other night and it was like the best thing in the world,

I was like, why don't I do this more often? Yeah. Because, yeah, I was being busy . . 

Ashlee: Well, I think that's, you know, one of the biggest lessons that I focus on and even, you know, people ask me like, oh, you have a podcast and you do this, and you do that. Like, how do you have time? And for me it's just because I am super intentional on how I spend my time and I find freedom.

in being able to say no to things that don't align my priorities. So I can say yes to things that do and having a bubble bath if, if spending time by yourself and just relaxing is a priority as it should be, and discovering ways that make you feel. Quiet and still and joy and relaxing, discovering those, they don't.

You have to put it on your calendar and you have to be intentional about it. Just like if you are starting a podcast, you have to be intentional about how you're going to go about doing that. You wanna grow your business, you have to be intentional about it. When we're not intentional, we ha we have no way forward.

We just do without. . Mm-hmm. . 

Jillian: Exactly. Do you have any tips on how to say no to those things that don't align with us? I feel like a lot of people have a really hard time saying no to things. 

Ashlee: Mm-hmm. . Yeah. I mean, so first of all, I guess my step one is understand what your priorities are. Get get clear on what those priorities are so that when you say no to something, you realize your no is a yes to something else.

Okay? And, and many times people think saying no to something is restrictive or it's mean, but you forget that you are saying yes to something else. Okay? So that's, you know, for those that need that, like positive, what I'm saying, yes to this. You know, start there. So start by very much clarifying what your priorities are.

And then I love, like, I love having really clear boundaries. If one of my priorities is uninterrupted work time, okay, I, I need that quiet focus time in order to really move my business forward. And if I'm constantly being interrupted by my team, , then that's where I need a boundary, right? I need to do something because now this is not working with my priorities.

So creating a boundary that looks like my door is closed, right? And if you work in an office and you have this like open door policy, consider closing your door and setting office hours of, you know, I can be interrupted from one to two every day. That. Communicating that boundary with anyone who needs to know it.

So if your team needs to know that this is their, your new availability time, communicate it with them. It doesn't have to be a, you can't interrupt me. It's more of a, I am available during this time. The rest of the time I'm working on something else. So it's a no to them. So it's a yes to your. , and then the key is holding that boundary

That's the hard part people struggle with, and this is why a lot of people don't wanna do it because they're like, Ooh, this is the part that's gonna feel bad. But it's just a keep the door closed. Or if someone pops in, be like, oh, sorry, Jillian, it's actually not one o'clock yet. I'm available at one o'.

And it doesn't have to be a projection of anger or frustration or complaining. It's just a reinforcing the boundary. I will be available for you at one o'clock. Come back then. Thank you. But you have to hold it. And the big piece with boundaries is that they are yours to set, yours to communicate, and yours to.

they're not up to anyone else to respect your boundaries. It's up to you to respect your boundaries. Yes, that 

Jillian: was my hardest part. , like my clients knew my boundaries, but they would still sometimes message me after hours, not expecting me to respond, but I felt like I had to respond and not holding my own boundary.

Ashlee: So, , and then that's where that frustration comes in. Cause you're like, ah, they know they're not supposed to do that. Why are they doing it? It's like you, you're the one who's texting them back. So , you have true. And, and if you know that about yourself, I often say this too, is like set up like firewalls to protect you from it.

I, on my phone, I have moved my email app to like the fourth page on my phone, so I never. I ne I've turned off all my notifications, so nothing ever pops up for me to see because I would take the bait and I know that about myself. So in order to really create that time capacity and that ease that I really desire, I had to set up strategies for myself to succeed instead of not, and setting up yourself to not succeed.

Jillian: That's a really good tip. Maybe putting on some do not disturb things, so that I don't get them after 

Ashlee: hours. Yeah, like that. Mm-hmm. . 

Jillian: So I would love to talk a little bit about your podcast that you have. So how has having a podcast helped your 

Ashlee: business? Yeah, I think, you know, I started the podcast really with this like huge goal.

So many listeners and all this like, great stuff happening. And while I've had a lot of success with listeners and people reaching out to me and engaging that way, what I've really found to be the most helpful is me constantly refining my message, me sharing in a different way what I stand for and.

and just like another place to send people for that. No. Like and trust factor, right? It's a, okay, you're not ready to work with me right now, but I know you really need to learn about boundaries. Here. Go listen to this episode. It's a freebie, it's a goodwill gesture. And I've already recorded the content, so it's another tool for nurturing relationships.

It's another tool for really. Exercising my ability to finesse my message and also when I interview people. That's the best part for me. I love having guests on my podcast that we can really just like have good conversation with. . Mm-hmm. . 

Jillian: Yes. That's what I tell all my clients to begin with. I'm like, we're not here to make a ton of money off your podcast at the start.

It's just not gonna happen. You know, we're here to build that no leg and trust factor to be seen as the expert in your area and to another free marketing tool, basically. Mm-hmm. is what it is. 

Ashlee: Yeah. I think the one piece that I've been, and again, it's part of the work that I do, that I've just been aware of.

is being really strategic with how I spend my time on my podcast and working ahead as much as I possibly can. Booking out, like automating everything that I can with it and like from booking guests to collecting their info to all of those pieces. It doesn't have to be labor intensive. There's a lot of really cool tools that make it simple for.

Yes, there are. 

Jillian: Yes. That's what I do. I love to batch ahead. I'm usually a month ahead when we're recording, so it's really nice that way. You never know what's gonna happen, so you don't have to worry about trying to get an episode out last minute, which doesn't feel 

Ashlee: good. . Yeah, exactly. And that's how everything, and that's, you know how I find most things in business and life and social and just how I do things.

Last minute feels instantly overwhelming. Last minute feels busy. It feels time crunched. It feels all of those things that many of us work really hard at not doing. And yet they constantly fall into that trap of right back at it, right back into, you know, last minute and procrastination. . Mm-hmm. . Yeah. 

Jillian: Yeah.

And we don't do our best work 

Ashlee: when we're rushed. Like I know I don't give a 

Jillian: hundred percent, I'm just trying to get it 

Ashlee: done. , it becomes a box checking exercise as opposed to a really intentional, thoughtful process. Mm-hmm. . 

Jillian: Yep. So a lot of my listeners wanna start a podcast, but there's like something holding them back whether I've heard, you know, nobody likes the sound of my voice.

Nobody's gonna wanna hear what I have to talk about. There's a gazillion other people talking about what I have to talk about. So what would you give as a tip for somebody who just can't start ? 

Ashlee: Okay, so my first reaction was to call BS on all of that . But I say that with a lot of love . Yes. I guess my piece is, is that you can keep throwing excuses out there and there will always be a hundred reasons why not.

And if it's something you truly want, and I think this goes with anything in life, you just have to do. , right? The magic lives in taking action. And when we overthink or we compare ourselves to others, or we in fact judge others and then be afraid that they're gonna judge us in return we just stay stuck.

You stay in one place, and whether it's starting a podcast or taking that bubble bath or whatever it is, it's, is this a priority to you? , what are you going to do about it to make it happen? 

Jillian: Mm-hmm. . Yeah, just starting, you know, we're gonna fa fail and mess 

Ashlee: up. That's what life is about. 

Jillian: Like I always say, if your first episode's as good as your hundredth, you learn nothing.

Like, 

Ashlee: yeah. You need, and I think too, you know, nobody likes the sound of their own voice. You know, sometimes like I hear myself and I'm just like, oh, wow. , is this what I sound like? . And then I'm like, oh, well who cares? . And I move, I move on. Mm-hmm. . And I think about that about a lot of things. You know, like, oh, do I need a microphone?

Do I need this? Do I need that? No. I have legitimately recorded podcast when it's come to me, like while I'm in the car, because that's when I felt like a really good topic. It was fresh on my mind. I didn't wanna use a script. I don't use scripts. So then I just was talking and it was probably one of my most favorite podcasts.

Mm-hmm. , because it wasn't overly, you know, scripted. So it can be any way. Right. It can be really done anyway. I think with anything, it's just about starting, you know, you wanna train for that marathon. , you gotta start running. Yep. You want, you want to like start a business? Well, you gotta gotta start somewhere.

We can't just read books and listen to podcasts and listen to everybody else's great ideas. It really comes down to us implementing action. Mm-hmm. . 

Jillian: Yeah. And not worrying about those things. You can't change, like you can't change the sound of your. Maybe, I guess you could try to like do a different voice, but that sounds like a lot of work,

Yeah. I don't think I would be able to keep that up, so No. You know, if you can't change it, just go with it. Go. 

Ashlee: Yeah, and I think too, this goes back to the whole, you know, kind of what we started talking about, about like the life you want right now and doing things to get you there. If we spend all of our time.

Planning for the perfect time to do something, it's never gonna happen. And if we are relying on so many external factors to determine how we live our lives, we're always gonna be at the mercy or the perceived mercy of everyone else. Really, at the end of the day, we get to create our lives. We get to decide how we move forward.

and the only thing truly ever holding us back is ourselves. Yeah. And when you can realize that you are the only thing standing in your way, not the right equipment, not your kids being home, not the promotion, not your boss, you, when you can really sit with that and realize that you have the. , that's when things shift.

Yes, 100%. 

Jillian: Well, on that powerful message right there, , I wanna thank you so much for being here today, and please let everybody know where they can find you and connect with you. Cause I know they're gonna 

Ashlee: want more of your magic. Yeah, I would love, I love connecting with people. So the best place is either LinkedIn or Instagram.

You can just look me up by my name or my business name is our Forte and I share. Really awesome tips there. And offer ways that if you're interested in getting the life you want right now and really digging into what your priorities are, how to create time, capacity to make it all happen, might include setting some boundaries and taking action.

If you're interested, then I'm here for that. Amazing. Thank 

Jillian: you so much again. 

Ashlee: Yeah, thanks, Jillian.