Ever struggled with finding your inner strength, healing from the past, and developing resilience to achieve success?
It starts with stepping away from the shoulds and learning to let go of the past.
In this episode, we discuss how to detox those negative thoughts so you can have success in your business and podcast.
"If you can be flexible and you're thinking about your thoughts, you will develop the ability to bend your thinking rather than letting your thoughts break you."
In this episode, you will learn the following:
1. The eight universal truths about thoughts
2. What strategies can be used to quiet an inner critic
3. How can we learn from past mistakes to create a better future
Links and Resources
Detox Your Thoughts by Andrea Bonior PhD
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To learn more about Jillian or to check out her podcast management services go to jilliangrover.com
Welcome back to the mindset of podcasting. Wow. We are in season three and it is 2023. Like, how did we get here already? I know the new year, we usually make like new goals.
And I do have some I don't like to call them resolutions because I feel like resolutions are meant to be broken. I know goals is kind of some people like that word, some people don't. I guess I kind of call them goals. I just like to have something that I'm aiming for for the year. So we'll call it that something I'm aiming for for the year.
And I thought real quick I would just share them with you so that at the end of the year, maybe I can come back and listen to this episode and see if I actually hit them. So first, for my business, my goal is right now to grow my email list. I've been working on email marketing. I am not very good at it. I am good at speaking.
So what I have been doing is I've kind of been recording myself and then taking the transcription of that and making it a little better. So there's a little tip for you. If you like recording things better than writing them for your email list, record it, put it in a transcription service like Otter or something. And then go from there, take the transcription and make it look better for your email. So that's kind of what I've been doing.
If you do want to get on my email list, you can go to Jilliangrover.com freebies and you'll see my newsletter sign up right there. And then also for my business, my other focus this year is launching my new program, which is actually my first quarter goal focus because I am launching a live round in March just to kind of work out the kinks and get some feedback on the program. So I'm only taking ten people for this new program that is all about helping you launch your podcast. It's called the Podcast Launch solution. And I'm going to walk you through every single step of starting your podcast because I know not everyone can afford a podcast manager.
So I wanted to make something affordable that people can afford if they do want to start a podcast. Because I think podcasting is a great way to help your business and get your message out there. So that is going to be starting in March. Enrollment is open now. If you would like to get in so you can go to jilliangrover.com/COURSE to learn more about that. I'll stop plugging my stuff right now, but it is my podcast and you're supposed to have call to Actions. So there you go. There's my Call to Actions for you right now. Some things I'm trying to do with my podcast this year is I want to make more valuable content, definitely.
So I'm taking feedback from listeners. I'm seeing what questions I get asked the most and I'm making sure I'm doing episodes about that so that it's valuable content for you. And I'm also working on growing my listeners. So that means more promotion on social media. I got on TikTok.
I'm promoting. There more email promotion. I'm trying to do a weekly email to my list about the podcast that's coming out. So just getting the word out there more about it. For my family, I would love to spend more one on one time with each member of my family.
So right now in my household, I have my husband and my two kids. My daughter is 16 and my son is eleven. I say right now in my household because we do have a third child, but she does not live with us anymore. She has grown and has two kids of her own. So for the family that is in my house at the moment, I want to have more one on one time.
So maybe like monthly dates or just more time where it's just us and we can really connect. And then the last thing I'm focusing on for this year is my fitness. I really want to get my energy back. I've been feeling really depleted lately and I know it's because of the way I eat and that I'm not moving as much. So I really want to get moving more, eating a little bit better.
And my brother is getting married in July and I'd really like to look nice for it and not feel how do I say this? Like, I don't know in my body right now, shopping is not fun. I don't enjoy shopping for clothes at all and I want to be excited to shop for clothes. So definitely trying to get some of the excitement back. So maybe losing a little weight is probably on my goal just so I can feel good in clothes again, basically.
So those are my focuses for the year. I would love to know your focuses DM me or leave a review and put them in the review. Tell me what your focuses are for the year and let's hold each other accountable. Let's come back at the end of the year. I will put in my podcast planning thing that we would do a review of the year podcast and we will see how these goals, resolutions, whatever you want to call them, came true.
So today's episode, let's get into it. I am going to be talking about a book. It's called Detox Your Thoughts. If you are watching the video, I'm showing the book right now, in case you didn't know. I put all of my podcast videos on YouTube.
So you can go over to YouTube, search up Jillian Grover podcast solutions, and you can watch the podcast if you feel like doing that instead. So we're going to be talking about Detoxia Thoughts. It's from Andrea Bonier. Hopefully I pronounced that right. It's B-O-N-I-O-R.
She's a PhD. And it is about negative self talk. And I thought that this was such a good book. I really enjoyed this book. That made me rethink some of the things that I say to myself and the way that I think.
And she also adds some humor in there, which just makes it such an easier read. You know, those Mindset books are pretty cut and dry, and they're not fun at all. Well, this book is not them, so I highly recommend it. I'm actually going to go through some of the things because I think Mindset is so important with your podcast, your business, your life. Everything starts with the way you think about it.
So I am going to start here with what she says is the eight universal truths about thoughts. So the first one she says is, the experience of having a thought, no matter what it is, is always okay. Having thoughts is normal. We have how many thoughts a day? Like a gazillion 50 billion.
And some of them we can't control. Some of those mean ones get in that we cannot control. And, you know, when they do, we just kind of got to take a deep breath and remind ourselves, but that's not true. That thought is not true. And maybe ask, Where did it come from?
Like, where did that thought come from? Why would I think that? So just taking a moment to say, okay, I'm a human being. I have thoughts, and it is okay. The next universal truth about thoughts is merely having a thought doesn't automatically make it true.
We've all had those thoughts that we know aren't true, like, we know aren't true. And we're like, Why are we thinking that? Why? But it slipped in there. It came out.
So regarding our podcast, I always have thoughts like, oh, my gosh, what I'm saying is stupid. Nobody's going to want to listen to this. Why am I even doing this? And then I'll get messages from somebody saying, oh, my gosh, I love that episode. Thank you so much for it.
So I know that those thoughts aren't true. Even if nobody DMs me or says anything about this podcast episode, I know that people are listening. I know that they've reached out and told me they're listening. So even if it's just your mom listening, somebody is listening. Just one point, and some people are quiet about it.
They don't tell you that they're listening. So just because you have that thought doesn't make it true. Number three is thoughts alone are not dangerous. It is how you respond to them that matters. Oh, my gosh, yes.
I think this is one of the really important ones, how we respond to our thoughts. If we have a thought that, hey, nothing matters, we don't matter, life is pointless, our actions are going to resemble that from now on. Our actions are just going to be like, why should I care about this when we're not going to put any effort into anything? We're not going to do anything of importance. We're just going to basically go through life not really experiencing it.
But if we have a thought that's like, oh, my gosh, life is good, everything is going good, even when it's not, I can change it around and make it good. That's going to change your attitude and that's going to change the way that you carry yourself throughout the day. Number four is thoughts tend to be fleeting and pass on their own. If you let them so those negative thoughts that you have, they'll go away. They will.
So I was so nervous when I first started my podcast, and I would get really nervous when I started recording. I get really nervous when I was a guest on the podcast, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. So even though now when I go to get on a podcast, I have the thoughts like, oh, my gosh, this is going to be so bad. It's just going to be horrible. Those thoughts start to go away the more you do it.
They start to go away just when you begin and just take action and just do it. Five, you can train yourself to observe your thoughts gently and curiously without harsh judgment of yourself for having them. This is something I need to work on. So I have those negative thoughts, especially around my body issue and my weight, and I do judge myself harshly when I have those thoughts. And I beat myself up for it sometimes, and I just have to, like, remember that.
I don't have to believe it. I don't have to judge myself for having that thought. I can just let it be. Just let it be. Just observe that I'm having this thought and say, okay, that's nice.
Let's move on to the next thing. Number six, avoiding or fighting with your negative thoughts will only drain your energy.
I don't know if I've ever really fought with my thoughts, but yeah, I guess maybe I have. Maybe I try to pet myself up like, oh, I can do this, and then that thought pops and no you can't. I'm like, yes I can. And this is kind of like a fighting maybe, but this one I kind of don't have a response to. I guess we can fight in our heads with ourselves, but I'm more inclined to believe my thoughts and I don't fight with them so much, especially the bad thoughts.
Maybe it's the good thoughts. I do fight with them a little. I don't have as many. Like, my inner critic is very strong and she comes out a lot. So maybe I just have more bad thoughts about myself than good thoughts.
Number seven, the more you struggle with your thoughts, the stickier they become.
Yeah, I think the more we try to control the way that we think I don't know. Again with this one. I'm not sure. I don't wrestle a lot with my thoughts. I tend to believe myself way more than I probably should.
So I probably should start wrestling with them a little bit and just be like, hey, that's not true. But it is saying, the more you struggle with your thoughts, the stickier they become. That's an interesting one. I'm not sure if I have a lot of thought on that one. Nothing's coming to mind.
Let me know, like, DM me. Let me know what this means to you. I'll read it one more time. The more you struggle with your thoughts, the stickier they become. And number eight is, if you can be flexible and you're thinking about your thoughts, you will develop the ability to bend your thinking rather than letting your thoughts break you.
So why I really wanted to tell you about these eight universal thoughts is because I really do think that we can change the way that we're thinking. I have a very, very nasty inner critic who comes out a lot. I have always had kind of low self esteem, been really shy. I always worried about the way that others think of me, and I'm trying to get over that. I have gotten better as I got older.
I think the older you get, the easier it gets too. But my inner critic is still there, especially when you start your own business. Oh my gosh. Like that inner critic comes roaring out with everything that you think is wrong with you. And the thing that makes me get up every day and actually do the work and not believe that in a critic is I have a gratitude practice every morning.
I say what I'm grateful for, even if it's just like something small, like my coffee. You're having a bad day, there's always one thing you can find to be grateful for. And then I write I am statements. So if I'm particularly feeling like down and my inner critic is getting to me, I'll write things like I am confident, I am strong, I am capable of changing just to switch that mindset thinking in the way I am. And then I try to say those three times out loud and try to really believe them.
I don't all the time, but I do try to really believe them. And then I set an intention for the day. And you know what my intention usually is? To be present, have fun, smile. Even if it's just something simple.
Set an intention for the day and just trying to quiet that inner critic when she comes out, I'm just like, no, I am strong. I am confident. I got this. I got this. I say, I got this to myself a lot.
Like, a lot, a lot. Especially when I got on Discovery calls, I'm like, I got this. I got this. This is all good. So I would love to hear what you do to quiet your inner critic and to change your way of thinking.
DM me. You can DM me on instagram at Jillian Grover Podcast solutions. I would love to hear them. So there's one more section of this book that I wanted to talk about, and it is the five things you can start to let go of right now. Right this second, you can start to let go of these.
So the first one is your past mistakes. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. How many times do we go through a scenario that has happened in the past over and over and over again in our mind, thinking of all the ways that we would have changed it? What good is that doing you?
What good is that doing you? None. You can't change the past. You can't. We can't go back.
All we are doing is drilling on it and making it worse for ourselves. So I'm definitely one of these people. Every time I've messed up, I've hung on to it and I'm like, oh my God, I feel horrible. I'm kind of a perfectionist. I'm an enneagram one.
If you know anything about the enneagrams, that's the perfectionist. When I make mistakes, I tend to hang on to them a lot and really beat myself up. But realizing we can't change the past, there's no way we can go back and redo it. We can only change our future. So just learning from your mistakes, saying, okay, this is what I did, and this is how I'm going to do better next time, it doesn't always work.
Sometimes I still beat myself up, but just knowing doing that is only hurting myself. I'm the only one drawing on it. The second thing is how things should be. And should is in quotation marks because nothing should be anything. There's no should.
Like, everybody's life is different. Like, if you say, oh, you should be doing this with your life, well, everybody is different. So there is no should. Nobody should be doing anything. It's what you want to be doing.
It's what you need to be doing. So I know they have that saying, stop shooting on yourself, but really it's true. Like, stop shooting on yourself. You should not be doing anything except what you want to do or need to do, and that's it. Just because somebody else is somewhere else in their business or their podcast journey doesn't mean that you need to be there.
Okay? Your first episode is not going to be as good as your 100th episode. And if it is, then you're not growing, you're not learning. So what was the point of that whole journey? Like, you should have bad episodes, you should have good episodes.
It's just how it is. So be where you are. Don't look at what anybody else is or where you think you should be. Be where you are now. The third thing is your past version of your future self.
Do we have visions of ourselves when we were younger and where we think that we would be now? Being mad at that isn't going to change anything. I thought I was going to be a sign language interpreter, a math teacher at one point, a nun. I'm not even religious anymore. So things change a lot.
So let go of what you thought that you were going to be. As we go through life, our paths change. Things happen that take us on a completely different path from where we thought we should be. So let go of that past version that you have of where you think that you should be now, and just be where you are now. Be in that moment.
The fourth thing is goals that no longer suit you. So we think if we make a goal, we need to stick to it. And now I made all those goals at the beginning of this episode. Maybe a month from now, one of those goals doesn't suit me anymore. Maybe I don't like that goal anymore, or things have changed in my business or in my life, and I can't commit to that goal anymore.
It is okay. It is okay because as we evolve, our goals are going to change. So even if I don't stick with those goals, I can change the goal. I can change the goal as I evolve. And that is what you should be doing too.
Just because you made a goal does not mean it's set in stone. It is not set in stone to say, okay, that goal is not going to work out. This is my new one, and just create a new one for that the last thing to let go of right now. Physical artifacts. I am so guilty of this.
So she talks about that dress that doesn't fit you anymore, that clutter that you think you need to hold on to because it used to be your mom's. Things that are just taking up physical space, because our physical space affects our mental space too. You know, when your house is completely cluttered, you feel like you can't think. At least I do. I feel like I can't think.
I need to clear it all off. You have a messigate desk. It's hard to work. So letting go of the things that are taking up mental space in your head, maybe you're never going to lose that weight, and you're just holding on to that dress for no reason. Or maybe you eventually do lose weight.
But you know what? You can go buy a new dress, maybe a dress that you like better and with the clutter. So I just downgraded my house like 50%. So we got rid of a lot of clutter, and some of it was hard. My dad passed away, it will be four years ago on January 20.
And I had trouble letting go of some of his stuff. Now, some of his stuff I gave to my brother and my sister so that they could hold onto because I didn't have room for it. But I had his old chair, and I had no place for a chair in this new house. My brother and sister didn't want the chair, so we had to let go of it. And just remember, it's a piece of furniture, it's a piece of clothing.
It's just an item. That item, when you get rid of it, it's not going to take away your memories. Your memories are still going to be there. So just letting go of the clutter that surrounding it will give you some mental peace. So I hope that this little bit of the book helped you and makes you want to read the book now again, it's called Detoxia Thoughts by Andrea Bonner.
B-O-N-I-O-R. I'm probably pronouncing that wrong. I'm really bad with names. It's such a good book. Made me think completely different.
And you could definitely apply most of these things to your business and your podcast just to help you think differently so that you have the confidence to go out there, get your message out there, speak your voice. Because as women, we need to put our voice out there so much more now. We need to get our message out there, be loud, tell people what we think. So I hope that this helped. I would love if you would go and wait and review this podcast.
Wherever you listen to podcasts, it would mean the world to me. If you are looking for help with getting your podcast launched and ready to go, reach out to me. I have two spots in February open for podcast launch clients. Or you can join my upcoming program, the Podcast Launch Protocol, to learn how to launch your podcast on your own. And I will talk to you next week.